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By - March 27, 2010

Hey Ma! The possum kissed me back! (No not Nancy Pelosi)

How did I come up with this title?  Well, I wish I could say that I hadn’t.  However, in looking for something to write about this week’s events,  such as Reid and Pelosi COMBINING FOR A 14% APPROVAL RATING, I ran into something that helps me keep things in perspective and realize that life hands us humor even in the most frustrating of times.

In the last couple of weeks I’ve written about Cooter the House Burner in Florida and John the Courthouse Drunk from Nebraska.  I truly thought these two took the cake when it came down to true glue sniffer stupidity.  Then,  I read about Dumb Donald from Pennsylvania.

Donald gets on a bender during the afternoon of this past Thursday.  At roughly 3:00 in the afternoon, eyewitnesses called police and described something that they saw that inevitably led them to bleach out their eyeballs.

Donald sees a possum on the road.  When the possum decides to actually be dead instead of playing, Donald first tries to perform some sort of exorcism/seance on the dead critter and uses all sorts of herky-jerky movements in the process.  When that doesn’t work, you would think that maybe he would go to the next step.  This would be picking the dead roadkill up and taking it home to his family for a special supper for him and his kin.  Instead…

Dumb Donald decides to try to revive the animal BY PERFORMING MOUTH TO MOUTH RESUSCITATION ON THE POSSUM. This is always the point in my account where I ask the reader to let this sink in.  I’m going to go straight to the next paragraph to give you a second to ponder how stupid some people truly are….read on when you are ready to!

Okay.  Let me get this straight.  An animal who is known solely for playing dead is there lying on the road.  A wild animal that is probably carrying rabies, no less.  In this case, he actually takes the time to find out that the possum is not pretending.  Donald feels like the best thing he could do at this moment is to place his mouth directly on the possums and risk rabies, other disease,s and being publicly mocked by a near sighted blogger from Nebraska!  After all that, he decides to do it anyway.

Donald has been charged with public drunkenness and grossing out everyone in sight.  Anyway, I hope this helps make your weekend a little lighter and gives you the wisdom to drive straight past the roadkill when you see it.  For all of you animal lovers out there, just keep it platonic please.  Have a great weekend!

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