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By - May 19, 2010

Al Gore’s New Name: Zippy the Wonderslug!

Former Vice President Al Gore (who I will refer to for the rest of this article as Zippy the Wonder slug) has never been known for being a tremendous speaker, but rather for milking global warming for all of its worth while consistently having the highest electric bills in the State of Tennessee.

For proof of his mediocre abilities as an orator, one need only watch this video (if you can get through 2 minutes without falling asleep) to see what I mean.  He is giving the commencement speech at the University of Tennessee.   Watch the nightmare here.

I will grant you that this was produced by the Americans For Prosperity, which is not exactly in love with Zippy.  Having said that, when you give someone this much material, what other choice do you have but to produce it?

Can you imagine going to college for somewhere between 4 and 8 years (depending on how many majors you switched and beer parties you attended of course) and you get Zippy to fire you up on  your way out?

However, I do think there are some situations for which this video could be very useful:

  • 1.  This could replace your night cap if you are having trouble falling asleep.  (Sorry Jack Daniels)  This is faster than any sleeping pill you could take and is healthier than that little nip of whiskey or NyQuil you take (even when you shouldn’t!)
  • 2.  If you are nervous before a doctor’s exam.  Zippy’s speech here will calm you down to the point where you will dread those yearly “men and women” exams a little less.  Heck, in comparison to this speech, it might even seem pleasant!
  • 3.  Getting rid of your party guests.  If you have ever had company over that just wouldn’t leave (as we all have), there was never a real easy solution…until now.  Vice President Zippy’s (the Wonder slug) clip is the perfect way for you to get rid of those troublesome friends in a way that leaves no feelings hurt.  No Republican (or Democrat) will want to sit through this without leaving.  Suddenly, you will hear those welcome words:

“Honey, it’s late.  We need to be getting home!”   Thanks Zippy!

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Comments (1)

 

  1. At any rate Al Gore is right concerning climate change, right? Or is he wrong? He says it was human-caused, not simply earth’s ordinary cycle over thousands of years. You think?

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