By - August 29, 2010

Which did the Dog Smell First? The Bologna or Cocaine (Stupak Winner)

The Democrats have been giving us Stupak nominees and winners all Summer.  However, I read this story on Friday and knew that I had found this week’s winner of the prestigious Stupak Award on the spot.

For those of you who are not familiar with this award, it goes to someone who does something so stupid and self centered that it defies all logic.  Furthermore, they think it is something they can get away with and have no consequence for their actions.  Bart Stupak (D, WI) voting for the Health Care Bill in exchange for a 2 Billion Dollar pork (or bologna as you shall see) project for his district would be the best example of this, which is why we decided to name this dubious honor after him.

Juan Rodriguez, a 30 year old man from Holyoke Massachusetts, was arrested Thursday for having a hollowed out hunk of Bologna (since it came in a stick form, it must have been better than Oscar Mayer) delivered to his house.  Other than obvious cholesterol and health issues, why would someone be arrested for having a big stick of sausage sent to their house?

Because the hollowed out portion of meat had been replaced by a Kilogram of Cocaine!  Talk about thinking outside the box.  It would have been more appropriate for the meat to have been replaced by Lipitor though!

Police had received a tip from Puerto Rico customs inspectors who had seen this done before.  According to the report, a dog had sniffed the package and discovered both the bologna and the cocaine at the same time.  This is the part where you would go….DUH!

How would a dog that is trained to sniff cocaine and is a meat eater not miss this?  The fact that the customs officials gave the local police a tip means that some have succeeded in the past.  I’m not for sure if that is due to the cleverness of the criminals or the dogs who have been thrown off by the low quality of  the Puerto Rican Bologna.  Puerto Rican cuisine is mostly based on rum anyway!

Juan was arrested and is awaiting arraignment.  The street value on cocaine in the bologna is estimated to be worth over $100,000.  The street value for the bologna stick is approximately the same as the 3 Cans of Alpo a day the dog eats each day.  When given the choice, the dog picked the Alpo over the bologna.  O.K., I’m kidding on the last part.

Please feel free to leave a comment below or look around on the rest of the Red State Report for other interesting (and sometimes pointless) articles on politics and life in general.  Have a great week!

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