By - February 27, 2011

Matty’s Corralled Thoughts: Oscar Night Edition!!

Oscar Night:  Oscar the Globetrotting DogIf you feel your house shift a little to the west tonight, it can mean only one thing– the lefty Hollywood heavies are having a party.  Not just any party, but the grandaddy of them all!  It is the Academy Awards night. A night where celebrities will arrive in an electric Government Motors Volt and spew how environmentally friendly they have become, even though lots of them will travel from some tax haven state/country by private aircraft.   I miss the Oscar Nights where Ed Begley Jr. would arrive to the ceremonies by bicycle with perspiration still dripping from his forehead.  That guy was as dedicated as the pig who gave his life to become bacon.  Hmmm bacon, is there a more perfect food? An Oscar night where celebrities will preach the good message on how they too are scaling back- meaning that Charlie Sheen is only having one Vicodin and vodka chaser per after-Oscar Night party.

Although Red State Report’s invitation and ballot must have been forgotten by the Academy, it does not mean we are not going to offer who we think the winners should be.  I am probably a little bitter over the invite- so I am going to give our readers an insight on how our ballot would have looked if one was sent. (HLF)- Hollywood Lefty Favorite (RSRF)- Red State Report Favorite

Without further adieu, our Oscar Night Predictions

Oscar Night Best Director- HLF:  David Fincher  “The Social Network”– he also directed “Fight Club” & “Seven“.   Currently working on another ” 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea”.  I like this guy and would not be disappointed on the selection.
Oscar Night:  True Grit

RSRF: Joel and Ethan Coen “True Grit“. Have you even seen two brothers share anything?  The fight on the stage over a the gold plated statue would be worth me missing an episode of the “Simpsons” tonight.

Predicted Oscar Winner: Tom Hooper for “The King’s Speech.”

Oscar Night Best Picture– HLF:  The lesbian love-fest The Kids Are All Right. Two women develop a family in a petri dish and the “donor” comes into their lives.  I didn’t see this one, but I bet the one with  the wallet chained to her jean pocket is the “dad”.

Oscar Night:  The King's SpeechHLF: “The King’s Speech“.  Kirk Lazarus, Tropic Thunder, taught the acting world to “never go full ret*rded“.  A stuttering Englishman, including Hugh Grant, would fall into that category.

HLF: The artsy fartsy movie “The Black Swan” to me it was like Showgirls without a naked Gina Gershon
RSRF: The Facebook developer bio “The Social Network.” If we don’t support this, Mark Zuckerberg will cancel our Facebook account.  (Probably our blog too…which would be good for the rest of the internet, I suppose!)

RSRF: After that plug, I wish to get serious for a moment:   The best Oscar Night picture by far this year is “Inception” or did I write “Toy Story 3”?  We like both, I guess!

Predicted Oscar Winner:   The King’s Speech

Oscar Night Best Actress– HLF:  Alcoholic Nic portrayed by Annette Bening in “The Kids Are All Right”.

RSRF: Jessie from “Toy Story 3”, Skip says she wasn’t nominated but I don’t care.  I am as focused on this category as Obama is on the economy.

Winner: Natalie Portman for Star Wars(my vote from 2002), this time around its for “The Black Swan”.

Oscar Night Best Actor– HLF:  Rumbling, stumbling, mumbling Colin Firth for “The King’s Speech”

RSRF:  Academy host James Franco played the smart and funny “Aron Ralston” in “127 Hours”.  He would give his right arm for an Oscar.  He is not my choice but I had to get an arm-cutting-off joke in there somewhere. My choice is Jeff Bridges for “True Grit”. When did “The Dude” morph into the “Duke“?  I think he mumbled his way through this film more than Colin Firth did in his.

Predicted Oscar Winner:  Colin Firth

Oscar Night Best Supporting Actress– HLF:  Melissa Leo, the controlling, smoking, business minded mother in “The Fighter.”
RSRF:  Hailee Seinfeld’s portrayal of “True Grit’s” Mattie Ross.  She had the stubbornness and determination of our First Lady going after high fat menu item in a restaurant.

Predicted Oscar Winner: Give it to the kid.

Oscar Night Best Supporting Actor– HLF:  Speech therapist Geoffrey Rush in “The King’s Speech”

RSRF: Buzz Lightyear for “Toy Story 3.” Now I am told by Wayne that he too was over looked by the Academy.  (I think he has something againstToy Story 3!”

Predicted Oscar Winner:  Geoffrey Rush, but it would be fun to hear an expletive laden Christian Bale rant.  (Remember American Psycho)

Oscar Night Original Screenplay– HLF:  “The King’s Speech

RSRF: “Toy Story 3” or “Inception. I am making every attempt to plug an actual movie that people have seen!  (It did have an evertwisiting storyline)

Predicted Oscar Winner:   For the sake of all that is good, please be “Inception” but reality is it will probably be another ‘warm the heart’ British comedy, “The King’s Speech“.  A good stuttering story gets me rolling everytime!

That is all that I am going to predict. The big winner of the evening will be “The King’s Speech“.  Not even ACORN will be able to overturn its success. Do not get this film confused with the one that Hollywood will write about the teleprompter in the White House. I can’t wait to run out and buy it when it hits the Wal-Mart shelves.   It will hold that same place that other British snooze-fest “Chariot’s of Fire” holds:  Balancing my poker table in the basement.  Having that movie win should make up for the President giving the Queen an i-pod.

When viewing tonight’s ceremonies, you will notice the absence of any protest over any political policy. So with tonight’s telecast being without a big musical number by Billy Crystal (the ultimate host), I wish to provide one for the Red State Report viewer. This is the one the Academy turned down. It is set to the song, “Where Have All The Flowers Gone”.

Where have all the ribbons gone?
Why are we not protesting?
Where have all the ribbons gone?
Obama has fixed it all
We are saved
We are saved

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