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By - March 16, 2011

Matty’s Corralled Thoughts

Big Splash

The biggest news coming out of Washington today is not America’s response to Egypt, Japan, or the rising gas prices.  It is Obama’s NCAA basketball picks! The president took the safe road by picking all four of the favorites to win their regions (Duke, Kansas, Ohio State, Pittsburg).  The president of originality picked Kansas over Ohio State in the final.  Those picks are about at newsworthy as the headline “Willie Nelson busted for pot”…

American news crews, covering the Japanese nuclear reactor core meltdowns, have been found to be radioactive themselves.  I got the thinking maybe it was the TSA scanners they passed through on their way to Japan.  I wouldn’t go near Japan for all the tea in China, or something more current- all the names in Charlie Sheen’s black book…

The first lady joined students from two DC elementary schools for the third planting of the White House Kitchen Garden. Swiss chard, carrots, and spinach, were among the plantings. Last year you may recall the beets were the size of basketballs (in 5 weeks) and the garden provided enough vegetables to feed Jolly Green Giant’s village.  It will take a radioactive cloud to produce those kinds of results again this year, under the watchful eyes of the Red State Report…

A couple of new records have been set in the last 24 hours.  One of them is the price paid for man’s best friend. No, it is not one of Charlie Sheen’s goddesses, but a reddish Tibetan mastiff named Big Splash.  Big Splash was sold to a coal baron from the north of China, who like many Chinese, believe these dogs represent the lost souls of monks and nuns who were not good enough to be reincarnated as humans.  Big Splash can grow up to 280 pounds and his current diet consists of multiple small farm animals and has received calls from the White House to help fertilize the garden.  The price paid for him?  $1.5 million dollars. That is a lot of money for something that tastes like chicken…

Another big splash is the record set  from Denver diver, DJ Darren “Professor Splash” Taylor, at the ripe ole age of 50. He broke his own shallow diving record by free falling into a swimming pool that contained a 12″ of water. Not a big deal if you were part of the Kennedy Clan, falling into the kiddie pool during a graduation party, and not spilling your Chivas and cola. Professor Splash jumped from a height of 36ft 2 inches into an inflatable pool.  Taylor’s skill has made him the most successful shallow diver in the world. With the retirements of Rosie O’Donnell and Oprah, we may have lost a few hot dog eating contest records but let’s see if any other person from a developed nation can produce such a Professor of Cool…Another big splash from the Professor

Matty’s Corralled Thoughts

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