By - June 25, 2011

Unconfirmed Breaking News: Funny State Spending

Author: Blake Grantham

Government waste state by state, part 1

Mississippi – $1,400,000.00 on why 38% of the homes still have outhouses.

Rhode Island – $875,000.00 on research trying to figure out how this tiny place became a state, instead of a suburb of Massachusetts.

Illinois – Considering the past 30 years, $2,700,000.00 conducting research, to determine how much money could be saved, if after a governor was elected, was automatically thrown into prison instead of waiting for four years and an expensive trial.

North Dakota – $1,700,000.00 on why so many people in this state have died of boredom.

South Dakota – $1,600,000.00 on why so many of their residents are jealous of North Dakota’s top ranking of having so many boredom deaths.

Alaska – $1,100,000.00 on why Eskimos won’t vote for anyone that doesn’t regularly chew raw seal meat like bubble gum.

Arizona – $2,700,000.00 on how much revenue could be generated if the Grand Canyon was filled with concrete, and then used as a state owned parking lot.

Maine – $375,000.00 on meetings with Realtors to determine if it would be cost effective to sell the state to Canada.

West Virginia – $3,500,000.00 on a study on why the residents are satisfied with only having three high schools in the entire state.

Virginia – $290,000.00 debating if their state should be renamed,  ”East Virginia”.

Tennessee – $4,725,000.00 to institutionalize all the people who are still having Elvis sightings.

New Jersey – $3,000,000.00 to determine how much Glade it will take to make the state smell better.

California – $4,100,000.00 on why it is such a magnet for weirdos.

Washington (state) – Because of the relentless rain, $520,000.00 to determine if the moss that grows on most of it’s people’s forehead, is a health risk.

Alabama – $835,000.00 spent on trying to convince the people that the north won the Civil War.

Maryland – $5,700,000.00 used to put cameras on the western border of the state, to monitor any amassing  large crowds that are considering marching into Washington, D.C., and physically throwing out all of the elected crooks and con artists.

Utah – $2,900,000.00 on mental health costs, to determine if a man wants more than one wife (polygamists) should be declared legally insane.

Wisconsin – $2,200,000.00 to determine if wearing cheese on your head kills brain cells.

Ohio – $450,000.00 taking a statewide poll on who (if had the opportunity) would slash Le Bron James’ tires.

Kentucky  – $640,000.00 trying to determine what does the average resident prefer, drinking moonshine or playing the banjo.

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