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By - June 29, 2011

Unconfirmed Breaking News/Random Thoughts

Author: Blake Grantham

BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – President Obama tells Ann Curry on the “Today Show” that ATMs has stolen a lot of jobs. He stated that he will soon be introducing a bill that will ban all ATMs nationwide, and they will be replaced with people standing in their place holding withdrawal/deposit slips and fists full of cash 24/7. He added that in high crime neighborhoods, the new employees will be allowed to wear bulletproof vests and carry grenade launchers.

BREAKING NEWS – Madison, Wisconsin – The largest atheist organization in the country, Freedom From Religion has now revoked the membership of several of its members after they were caught texting the acronym “OMG”. The members that were booted out state that they are planning on filing a lawsuit because they have the right text any phrase they want. The ACLU states that they have no idea who’s side to take on this issue.

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The ACLU has recently been meeting with liberal congressman and senators, encouraging them to pass a new law regarding home security cameras. They are alleging that would be burglars have a right to privacy and should not be filmed, unless they give written permission to the homeowners before exiting their property with the stolen merchandise.

BREAKING NEWS – Cape Canaveral, Florida – President Obama and his family are pictured doing their weekly inspection of the Space Shuttle Atlantis at the Kennedy Space Center. Because of all the civil unrest and protests worldwide, with millions of people in increasing amounts forcefully throwing their leaders out, he said he wants to be prepared in a moment’s notice to leave the United States, if not planet earth altogether.

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