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By - July 12, 2011

Unconfirmed Breaking News for July 13, 2011

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – McDonald’s quickly settles a lawsuit out-of-court, after seeing a video of the plaintiff angrily throwing some coffee he just bought at the restaurant, that he alleged was way too hot.

BREAKING NEWS – London, England – British archaeologists returning from Egypt now believe they have evidence that Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones is a lot older than he says he is. They said that they saw several paintings of him on a wall inside of a pyramid, performing with a band that was celebrating Moses’ 18th birthday.

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – President Obama stops in the middle of a stroll yelling and using expletives at Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. Obama was visibly angry when he took exception to Netanyahu’s comments on why he didn’t think the Chicago Cubs wouldn’t make the playoffs again this year.

BREAKING NEWS – Tampa, Florida – The ACLU sends a strongly worded letter to the CEO of Outback restaurants Elizabeth Smith, demanding that they ban prayer by patrons before they eat. In their letter, they allege that this is a clear violation of separation between church and steak.

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