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By - July 5, 2011

Unconfirmed Breaking News/ Random Thoughts

Author: Blake Grantham

BREAKING NEWS – Austin Texas – Governor Rick Perry is asked by a Human Rights Official at the United Nations, to call off an execution of a convicted murder. Perry responds that it’s not his ultimate decision. He explained that he will go ahead with the scheduled execution, and added that if God decides to raise him from the dead, he’s fine with it.

BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – The A.P.A. (American Psychological Association) announces that in the past month, fathers seeking therapy has quadrupled. The A.P.A. added that the majority of the men are extremely depressed, because the NFL and the NBA seasons are both in jeopardy, and they are stressed out over the possibly of being forced to spend time with their wives and children.

BREAKING NEWS – Orlando, Florida – After reviewing her medical records, a doctor from Orlando Regional Healthcare states that there is a medical reason why Casey Anthony shows very little emotion. He said that her body temperature is so low, that she probably has ice water for blood.

BREAKING NEWS – Orlando, Florida – The prosecution and defense, as well as everyone else in the courtroom were stunned when they found out why Casey Anthony regularly requested a bottle of Aquafina. The bailiff caught her using one of her defense attorney’s laptop, sending Aquafina an email requesting an endorsement deal. She suggested in the email, that she would promote their product as “cool refreshing water for attractive unrepentant sociopaths”.

BREAKING NEWS – Dresden, Germany – After the women’s soccer team of North Korea loses to the USA  in the World Cup 2-0, their coach Kim Kwang Min stated that they lost because several of his players were recently struck by lightning. Soccer fan and dictator Kim Jong-il, said he’s willing to give North Korean women the benefit of the doubt by testing their excuse, as he plans on having the entire team and their families, electrocuted.

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