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By - July 29, 2011

Unconfirmed Breaking News/July 29th

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

BREAKING NEWS – Jammu, Kasmir – An Indian employee in a factory is seen working overtime to keep up with demand. Because of the rule changes in Major League Baseball due to health reasons, all dugouts must now have at least ten spittoons.

 

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Lovelock, Nevada – In a prison interview, O.J. Simpson states that he now has no faith in the judicial system. He said he was falsely accused of the murder of his ex-wife, and he was also falsely accused of theft which presently has him incarcerated. When asked what will he do first after he’s eventually released from prison, he said he would probably go to a football game, after he’s finished robbing and killing the jury that found him guilty.

 

BREAKING NEWS – Paris, France – A model wears a new creation for Spring/Summer 2012 that’s getting mixed reviews. “I don’t care who likes it, it looked good on my wife”, said fashion designer Humpty Dumpty.

 

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – Using an innovative idea to fight crime, Mayor Rahm Emanuel passes a new controversial city law that mandates all gang members to go into forced retirement by the age 25. Also in the law, the monthly retirement income for the former gang members will vary, based on how many social security checks they will be allowed to steal out of senior citizen’s mail boxes.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – On Capitol Hill, daughter of President John F. Kennedy Caroline Kennedy, receives a standing ovation in front of an embarassed Vice President Joe Biden, Senator Harry Reid, and Senator John Kerry, after emphasizing how pathetic and worthless the three of them are compared to her father.

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