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By - August 14, 2011

Unconfirmed Breaking News/Aug 13th

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Vice President Joe Biden issues a public apology, stating that when he made a previous comment, he didn’t really understand what the S&P downgrade really was. He initially said that when he heard the downgrade went from AAA to AA, he thought the reference was to the sizes of batteries, and then accused Eveready and Energizer of conspiring with the S&P and republicans.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Because of the current state of the U.S. economy, President Obama is seen trying to borrow five dollars from an unidentified woman so he can get something to eat. After running a quick credit check and talking to a Chinese official, the woman declined his request concluding that it was a high risk loan.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – San Angelo, Texas – Warren Jeffs’ attorneys state that it will be a cruel irony when their client is sent to prison for life plus 20 years. As a polygamist, Jeffs had nearly 80 wives. Many of the Texas inmates that have been following the case, state that once he arrives, he will become the bride and will have at least 80 husbands. His attorney Tara Isaacs, informed the judge that Jeffs is now extremely nervous and scared, after he was sent a picture of an orange jumpsuit that was modified into a wedding gown.

 

BREAKING NEWS – Balearic Island of Menorca – During the San Juan festival in the town of Ciutadella, several people were hospitalized with broken arms and concussions. They later admitted it was a “stupid” idea to try to teach a horse how to give a high five.

 

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Panmunjom, North Korea – A soldier is seen taking a picture of an American, to prove to his friends and family that there are actually other human beings that exist outside of North Korea.

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