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By - August 29, 2011

Unconfirmed Breaking News/Aug 29th

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

BREAKING NEWS – Beijing, China – Vice President Joe Biden apologizes to America for giving the impression that he embraces the Chinese mandate of one child per family. He also apologized to President Xi Jinping, when the Chinese leader called him an idiot after Biden tried to convince him that having a large family could bring happiness, while handing him the complete boxed set of the “Brady Bunch”.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Due to the awful economy in the United States, large numbers of Mexicans are now returning to Mexico. President Felipe Calderón states that the influx of people returning is so large, that it is creating a financial burden for his country, and he is now requesting for the United States to immediately begin building a fence to secure the southern borders. In an emergency meeting held by Congress, they unanimously voted to “laugh their butts off”.

 

BREAKING NEWS – Trenton, New Jersey – Governor Chris Christie states that he hasn’t been the least bit concerned about Hurricane Irene. He added that no hurricane in any category can do as much damage to his state, as the moronic cast of “Jersey Shore” already have.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Moscow, Russia – The Russian firm Orbital Technologies announces that they will have a hotel in space by 2016. It will orbit 217 miles up and it will have 4 cabins for 7 guests. The only problem they said they can’t seem to resolve is how to deal with the imminent interplanetary bed bugs.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts – President Obama’s daughter Malia, was described to be a little disappointed after he informed her that due to the economy, he had to lay off most of the Secret Service, and they now have to get around on bikes. According to a White House source, she was even more disappointed when he told her that they could no longer afford to send her to a private school, and she now has to get a part time job to contribute to the family income or move out.

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