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By - August 3, 2011

Unconfirmed Breaking News/August 2nd

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

BREAKING NEWS – San Francisco, California – To boost the ratings for “Current Tv” in which Al Gore is the Chairman, he has hired the former MSNBC host of “Countdown”, Keith Olbermann. According to the Nielsen Ratings and other polls, Current Tv is so boring, that the Food and Drug Administration is stating that they will now be medically regulated because their shows have the same affect on people as Sominex.

 

BREAKING NEWS – San Angelo, Texas – Accused polygamist Warren Jeffs, fires his entire highly regarded legal defense team, and chooses to represent himself. He said his religious beliefs allows for multiple wives, but not multiple attorneys.

 

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – By a vote of 7 to 2, the U.S. Supreme Court declares that the U.S. Constitution is unconstitutional. By the end of the day, they reversed themselves when they realized that their ruling would render all of them unemployed.

 

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Sacramento, California – Senator Nancy Pelosi is seen smiling after winning $20,000.00 from a room full of photographers. She bet them that because of her Botox injections, they could hit her as hard as they could in her forehead with the microphones and she wouldn’t flinch. She later won another $20,000.00 on a double-or-nothing bet, that she could go three straight hours without blinking.

BREAKING NEWS – Sarasota, Florida – Kenneth Feld the CEO of Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus states the second quarter earnings are way down. He said it is due to the fact that his company does not have the resources to compete with the present circus in Washington, D.C.

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