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By - September 14, 2011

Unconfirmed Breaking News/Sept 14th

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

BREAKING NEWS – Copenhagen, Denmark – Former vice president Al Gore, plans on having a 24-hour worldwide presentation to combat the growing international disbelief that man’s actions is a major contributor to global warming. He said he agreed to have the program in Denmark, as long as their government promises to arrest and imprison anyone who asks him a relevant question that he can’t answer, or makes a statement that disproves his questionable research and conclusions.

 

U.S. and World History – The telegraph was invented in the mid 1700’s in France by Jeane-Antoine Nollet, but a more efficient version was developed in America by Samuel Morse in 1836. The new alternative version was capable of transmitting over long distances, communicating with the Morse Code. Even though by today’s standard the telegraph is primitive, more than 85% of the people polled would rather use it, than unreliable AT&T.

 

BREAKING NEWS – Sacramento, California – The staff of Congresswoman Maxine Waters defends the new picture of her in the state capital building. They said that they’ve known her for years, and this is the closest she’s ever came to smiling.

 

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Flushing Meadows, New York – At the U.S. Open, a game was temporarily halted. Tennis pro Ana Ivanovic was visibly shaken and near tears when she was informed that there was a woman in the stands that was much prettier than she was. Play was resumed after Ana went into the locker room to put on some make-up and to have her hair done.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Austin, Texas – Congressman Ron Paul tells Fox News that American paper money is illegal, and it should be replace with gold and silver. He added that his position is zealously being supported by “gangsta rappers” that recently have had the dental work appraised at jewelers.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – East Jerusalem, Palestine – Members of the militant group Hezbollah, are now calling the Olympic Committee “a bunch of insensitive bigots”. Hezbollah’s frustration and anger was based on the fact that once again their suggestion was rejected for a new event called “Tennis Hand Grenades”.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – While being interviewed by Gretchen Carlson on Fox News, DNC chair Debbie Wasserman-Schultz defended the comment that labor union leader Jimmy Hoffa made earlier in the day in Detroit. Before introducing President Obama, Hoffa blamed the Tea Party for a lot of the union’s problems and then urged the crowd to “take these son-of-a-bi***es out”. Schultz later explained that Hoffa was not suggesting for the crowd to kill members of the Tea Party, but when he said “take them out” he was referring to taking them out to a nice restaurant to respectfully discuss their differences. Schultz then stormed out of the studio after Carlson asked her if she was on some form of medication.

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