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By - November 1, 2011

Unconfirmed Breaking News/Nov. 1st

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Filmmaker Michael Moore tells Wall Street protestors, that banks have been ripping people off for years and should be held accountable. He added that over the past year for no apparent reason, his interest rate went from 7% to 24% on both of his McDonald’s and Burger King credit cards.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan reluctantly accepts his award from GQ Magazine for being the “Best Dressed Delusional Bigot in America”. He barely beat out Al Sharpton, who lost points due to his outdated 1970’s hairstyle.

 

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Fremont, California – A recent secret meeting has now been made public between solar panel company Solyndra and President Obama. The President was videotaped praising the now bankrupt company for “working the system” and “efficiently ripping off the U.S. taxpayers” for over $500 million that they don’t have to pay back. However, Obama reminded them that he could have the U.S. Justice Department prosecute them for fraud, and he said he’ll make that decision based on how much his balance “mysteriously rises” on his secret Swiss Bank account

BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Occupy Wall Street protestors invade Chase Bank, denouncing the government’s $94.7 billion bailout. Later in the day at a press conference, CEO James Dimon stated that the protestors are costing his company money. He said every time they invade one of their branches, Chase Bank has to use some of the bailout money to fumigate, plus all of the tellers have to be checked for lice.

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