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By - December 10, 2011

Unconfirmed Breaking News/Dec 10th

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

BREAKING NEWS – Los Angeles, California – A flight attendant for American Airlines gets reprimanded for getting actor Alec Baldwin kicked off a plane, for playing games on his cell phone while still at the gate. A spokesman for American Airlines stated that the flight attendant’s actions were premature, and she should have waited and had Baldwin physically thrown out while they were in the air.

 

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Los Angeles, California – Due to cutbacks in the police force, nearly half of the squad cars were sold, forcing local law enforcement to use public transportation to respond to calls. Sheriff Leroy D. Baca stated that the fastest response time to a police calls will probably be at least two hours, as long as the officer has exact change or a bus pass.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Kabul, Afghanistan – PBS and Sesame Street are still trying to address the unexpected issue of Grover converting to Islam, and moving to the middle east. Several unnamed Muppets stated that they were alarmed after they overheard Grover asking the Cookie Monster, if he knew how to put explosives in chocolate chips.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Custodians that work at the New York Stock Exchange state that their jobs are as secure as ever. They explained that they based it on the fact that over the past two years, the amount of paper they have to sweep up has quadrupled, and half of it is suicide notes from traumatized stockbrokers.

 

 

U.S. & World History – The greatest military miscommunication of all time is arguably the attack on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese on December 7, 1941. Emperor Hirohito, had no intention of attacking Pearl Harbor. In fact, he thought the entire state of Hawaii was beautiful and he planned on going there on a vacation. The miscommunication happened when the emperor handed one of his generals an 8 x 10 glossy of Hawaii. In hindsight in reference to the picture he wanted to have framed, he should’ve said “Have this enlarged,” instead of saying “Blow this up”.

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