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By - January 24, 2012

Jon Bruning Announces for Senate?

Jon Bruning Running for SenateJon Bruning Announces for Senate?

Stop the presses!

Attorney General Jon Bruning, Nebraska’s Joe Biden, has made his official announcement he is a candidate for United States Senate.

Sources close to Attorney General Bruning state Jon is just the type of whiz kid we need in the United States Senate.  By getting re-elected Attorney General two years ago, the Attorney General successfully received a $100,000 per year salary to run for United States Senate, a strong indication of his ability to balance a family budget.

Further, in business accumen surpassing even Hillary Clinton – who turned $1,000 in cattle futures into $100,000 in less than a year – the Attorney General was able to turn this full-time civil servant’s salary of $100,000 into between $12.6 million and $61.3 million dollars. Someone make the call Warren Buffet.  I think we have a viable candidate to take over Berkshire Hathaway.

“The deficit will be no problem for Jon Bruning,” said a campaign advisor who wishes to remain confidential.  “Jon can weave straw into gold.”

For those who have opened a newspaper at some point in the last four years, his most recent official announcement has largely fallen on deaf ears.  “Wow,” said Rip Van Winkle sarcastically. “I hadn’t heard that.”

When questioned, Bruning’s campaign manager, Trent Fellers, appeared befuddled, apologized for the mistake, noting confidence John’s official announcement had come four years prior, in a primary contest against Senator Chuck Hagel.

When pressed that campaign was for the Senate seat now held by Mike Johanns, Fellers stated the most recent official announcement must have come just after Jon was re-elected Attorney General, a few days before he would be sworn in for another term.   “Yep, that must have been the official announcement.”

Reporters should now question whether it was just the announcement of an exploratory committee in the event Governor Heinemann decided not to run?  (And was that Heineman’s first, when he announced he was definitely not running, or second time of making the announcement, when he was definitely not running, but with an asterix.)

One hopes, just for good measure, between now and the primary, Jon Bruning will clarify the issue of whether or not he is a candidate for US Senate.  Sources close to Jon say polling will determine whether he drops out, again, to run for something else in two years.

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