By - January 9, 2012

Showdown: New Hampshire

New - Hampshire - Republican - PrimaryShowdown: New Hampshire

Having started as a fishing colony and part of Taxachusetts, New Hampshire is distinguished today as the least relevant of the 13 original colonies.  It’s largest city has just over 100,000 people, most of whom wish they were Canadian. And yet, once again, despite its irrelevance, the nation turns its eyes to New Hampshire as the start of the Republican primaries.

The voting starts in New Hampshire on Tuesday, January 10 and, not surprisingly, the Republican candidates are in New Hampshire and pandering to these junior varsity Canadians like Barrack Obama after a cigarette.

For those who live in New Hampshire, but don’t have the time to learn the facts and specifics of each of the Republicans still in contention, Red State Report lays it out for you.

Mitt Romney:  The heir (hair?) apparent.  Looks presidential, has a lot of money, and an organized campaign.  He is a joint Harvard Law/Business grad.   Like any good Mormon, he has been married to the same woman since 1969 and about a half-dozen kids.  He is an astute businessman and perceived to be very credible in economics.  On the downside, he was Governor of Taxachusetts and seemed to flip/flop on the abortion issue, a litmus test for many on the right.  He also supported a statewide insurance mandate, which some have likened to Obamacare.  Having said that, He would make a far superior President than Obama.  So would a Garden Slug!

Rick Santorum:  Former Senator from Pennsylvania.  Perceived as a bedrock conservative with strong family value credentials.  He doesn’t have the Ivy League education, but holds a Masters in business and law degree.  Has his original wife and seven children.  On the plus side, Santorum is a long-term Washington insider, having served in both the House and the Senate, and understands Washington.  On the negative side, Santorum is a Washington insider.  Some rednecks also express concern he is a Papist.  Again, He would make a far superior President than Obama.  So would a Three Toed Sloth!

Newt Gingrich:  Former Speaker of the House of Representatives.  Newt is thrice married, although he has only claimed to loved one person:  Himself.  He is a PhD in history and the smartest man in the room, who, unfortunately, never lets you forget he’s the smartest man in the room.  To his credit, he has achieved remarkable career success, despite looking like a throwback to the age of Neanderthals.  Newt knows Washington, knows how to move legislation, was instrumental in the Republican takeover of Congress and the balanced budget.  To his detriment, he has compared himself to Woodrow Wilson and is perceived as a progressive, having supported insurance mandates prior to Romneycare and appearing in a commercial with Hillary “Pitbull Lips” Clinton regarding climate change.  Still, Newt would make a far superior President than Obama.  So would Lint!

Ron Paul:  Saving the best for last, Dr. Ron Paul is a physician and a long-time Member of the House of Representatives.  The Libertarian of the bunch, his positions on most economic and social issues – take the shackles off business and restore liberty to people – are greatly admired.  He once voted against a Congressional Gold Medal for Mother Theresa because it had a cost to the taxpayers of $5,000.  On the foreign policy front, many conservatives have referred to him as anything from naive to reckless in his desire to remove us from foreign entanglements.  Perhaps his greatest problem is his geriatric, pixie appearance, as if Gollum had sired a child with an elf. Dr. Ron Paul would be a far superior President than Obama.  If you want a small government Republican, Dr. Paul is peerless.

While New Hampshire is represents about 0.3 percent of the population, the winner of the New Hampshire Republican Primary will enter the South Carolina Primary (a state where people actually live!  Ask any Cornhusker Football Fan) with a definite boost.  Candidates finishing last in the primary will have their confidence shaken and their donations cut.  Regardless of who the winner is, he will make a far superior President to Obama.

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Comments (2)


  1. John says:

    Even if you like Ron Paul, the comment about him is hilarious!

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