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By - January 19, 2012

Unconfirmed Breaking News/Jan 19th

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

BREAKING NEWS – Tuscan Islands of Giglio, Italy – There is now international outrage at Captain Francesco Schettino for abandoning the Costa Concordia, leaving passengers to fend for themselves. Schettino later stated after his arrest, that the reason why he promptly left the cruise ship and went to a nearby island, was so he could more easily observe the full spectrum of the disaster. He concluded by saying, that he felt he could make calmer and more rational decisions coordinating a rescue plan from his hotel room.

BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – Nation of Islam Leader Louis Farrakhan is accusing Wikipedia of racism, stating that their recent decision to go “dark” for 24 hours, was not to protest anti-piracy legislation in Congress. Farrakhan added that he strongly believes, that “dark” was a code word to encourage white people to stop trying to educate blacks online. He also stated that “going green” is a bigoted term that is used to belittle Martians.

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder tells the NAACP, that white people are trying take away their voting rights. He also stated that sometime in 2012, white people plan on buying at least 100,000 foreclosed homes from all over the nation, and convert them into plantations.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Austin, Texas – Ron Paul’s supporters wants the United States to change the procedures regarding the “Oath of office” just in case he wins. They feel it will be unfair to Paul to request that he raise his right hand, while putting the other hand on a bible, if at the time he’s wearing a strait jacket.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Bentonville, Arkansas – Adoption agencies nationwide are outraged at Wal-Mart’s plan to start selling babies over the counter. The retail giant defended their new product, by stating that they are a family store, thus they will help people create a family. They also said that they will give a full refund to any parents for 18 years, if the child drops out of school, joins a gang, or obsessively uses the word “like”.

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Comments (1)

 

  1. Melissa says:

    Nice post which There is now international outrage at Captain Francesco Schettino for abandoning the Costa Concordia, leaving passengers to fend for themselves. Schettino later stated after his arrest, that the reason why he promptly left the cruise ship and went to a nearby island, was so he could more easily observe the full spectrum of the disaster. Thanks a lot for posting.

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