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By - February 17, 2012

Unconfirmed Breaking News/Feb 17th

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Gayle King remains calm as Michelle Obama gives her some career advice. The First Lady commended her for landing the job on “CBS this Morning”, but then told her that her apparent obsession with trying to talk and sound exactly like Oprah is really irritating.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Hong Kong, China – Chinese President Hu Jintao states that he is very surprised at the incredible success of New York Knicks star Jeremy Lin. Jintao explained that he didn’t think Lin would ever amount to anything when he lived in Hong Kong. And the president added, that he based his opinion on the fact that from the time Lin was 7 years old until he was 12, he would constantly complain about having to work more than 60 hours a week in several government run factories.

 

BREAKING NEWS – Tampa, Florida – Dedicated supporters of Ron Paul are still travelling throughout the country, stopping at psychiatric wards in every major city. Their objective is to motive Paul’s most loyal supporters, which are voters that are irrational and or mentally unstable.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Tilton, New Hampshire – Mitt Romney tells a crowd that the recent statement he made regarding not being concerned about the poor, was not meant to be arrogant or condescending towards one group of people. He said the truth is, as a multi-millionaire he prefers to be elevated when he speaks so he can talk down to everyone equally.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – President Obama’s most recent statement has even more Christians outraged. He said in a speech, that Christian organizations should provide birth control for their employees, but Muslims are exempt. He later explained that it would be a waste of money to apply it to Muslims, because most of them  are usually way too angry to think about sex.

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