By - April 19, 2012

Romney and Obama are battling over Dogs.


The Year of the Dog with Obama

Harlie ate my birth certificate

Romney and Obama are battling over dogs.

I love epic events the can define a generation.  Nowadays, most epic events start the letter “X” (X-games, XFL, Xbox, Xanax).  That letter just seems cooler.  But, for an older generation, our epic events started with the words “the battle of…”  For instance:  The Battle of Midway– the most important Pacific naval battle, gave the USA complete control of Pacific Ocean.  The battle of the bands, U2 vs the Rolling Stones, gave us the battle in which both played guitars ’til their fingers catch fire.  The battle of the burgers, Big Mac vs the Whopper, flame broiled vs grilled.  This gave us the following question:   Who’s cuisine reigns supreme?  It also gave us the following question:  Which burger causes a Heart Attack faster and which one lasts longer without spoiling because of the preservatives?

Some unfortunate epic battles that do not bear repeating:  The battle of the lip-synchers, Ashlee Simpson vs Shakira, who exits the stage the fastest while weeping.   The battle of the bulge, Rosie O’Donnell vs Grimace, who’s waistline has their own planets orbiting it.  Grimace looks better in purple, by the way!

I am looking for my lost purple brother and to take back the competitive eating crown from Kobayashi

I have been searching all my life for the perfect milkshake and my twin sister


Finally, the battle Grandpa had with his kidney stone (trust me, don’t ask him to repeat it).

The newest battle of sorts, has been launched by the lame-stream media.  In an attempt to sway the 39 % of households that own dogs  they have developed a “presidential battle of the dog” of sorts.   In one corner, the presumptive Republican Nominee Mitt Romney.   In the other, the Commander In Chief- President Obama.  Again…Romney and Obama are battling over Dogs.

The media was only going to tell us one side of the dog war.  They love to hound Romney about his Irish Setter Seamus.  Back in 1983, while on vacation in Canada,  Seamus developed a case of explosive diarrhea.  In an attempt to keep the stink out, the Romneys decided to tie the dog’s cage to the roof of the family truckster.  Unbeknownst to them, the cage became untied and the dog met an unpleasant death on foreign land. The media portray this event of road kill as Romney being aloof, cruel, and unfit for office.

The Daily Caller’s Jim Treacher has brought to light the fact that Obama used to gorge on dog meat from ages 6-10.  This information wasn’t obtained from Sheriff Joe, but from Obama’s memoir “Dreams From My Father”.  The President describes it as tough meat:  It’s not as tough as snake, but better eaten with arugula.  No where was it described “it tastes like chicken.”  The media is portraying this tidbit as Obama being more of a worldly multicultural man and he was just taking part in his tribal customs and would give him a leg up when he becomes a man of all nations.  Besides, we know Obama wouldn’t put his dog on top of the car- because it would dry out the meat.  That is, of course, if he doesn’t like Dog Jerky!

Dinner guest of honor running away

What are we to learn from these guy’s past and their love towards man’s best friend?

  • One covers their dog with a carrier and the other covers their’s with gravy?  (Chicken Gravy probably rather than beef…more variety of flavor.)
  • One puts theirs on top of the roof so the other can’t eat him?
  • One goes to Taco Bell to eat the little dog for more ruff-age in his diet or pours out a can of chicken and poodle soup if he’s feeling ill?

O.K., I can not keep beating a dead dog and I don’t need our readers to bark at me.   I can not comment to which crime is worse.  They were both executed out of love for their dog.  I have four of them.  I do know that I have never heard of anyone naming their dog after themselves.  However, The Obama’s have a dog named B.O.:   Barack Obama.  One more time…Romney and Obama are battling over Dogs.

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