By - May 20, 2012

Filed under: Politics As Usual

Matty’s Corralled Thoughts

Arr, Rosie keep your paws off me kibbles

Funny how a cartoon can imitate life so well. In the Simpsons’ episode “New Kid on the Block”, Homer takes Sea Captain Horatio McCallister to court because he was denied all he could eat seafood, while still hungry, at The Frying Dutchman’s all-you-can-eat buffet. Wisconsin’s own Bill Wisth had the same problem at Chuck’s Place. 6 foot 6, 350 pound Wisth, was denied his thirteenth piece of fish, during the bottomless fish fry. So he has decided to call the police and picket Chuck’s ‘poor business practices’ every Sunday, until he changes his ‘food abuse’ policy. False advertising is his claim. This can only happen in a first world country. I think Mr. Wisth could recruit Rosie O’Donnell’s help and Oprah could make it a t.v. movie of the week on her network about his plight. If Bono hears about ‘food abuse’ you can bet he will try to get other rock stars together for a charity concert and raise money for it. As Homer’s attorney Lionel Hutz would say, “this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film “The Never Ending Story”.

"We know what you are thinking, and no we are not related"

This story came across my Facebook page. Eight girls, from the all girls catholic Presentation High School, share one of the world’s most popular surnames- Nguyen- (think Smith/Johnson). The girls are not related and put a creative spin in their high school yearbook . Dressed and styled alike, yes I know it is called a drape and not a dress, coordinated their wiity additions to the yearbook staff. Those surnames should look out for the Murphy or Kemp clan. NBA’s Calvin Murphy and Shawn Kemp has the distinction of fathering 13 and 12 children respectively ( they do have some competition from Desmond Hachett, he fathered 30 kids) and neither player or citizen Hachett have been spayed or neutered.  Where is Bob Barker when America needs him?

Hollywood honored the Bionic Woman Lindsay Wagner, with her own Star on the Walk-of-Fame this week. The featured speaker, on Lindsay’s behalf, was Wonder Woman Lynda Carter. Jamie Sommers (Bionic Woman) had a near death sky-diving accident. Then the Bionic Man, Steve Austin, intervenes with the help of his pal Oscar (direct of the Office of Scientific Intelligence) and they give her advance hearing, a stronger arm, and faster stronger legs. The ability to put the toilet seat down,to share her feelings in a timely manner, and adding emotional security was not on Oscar’s or Austin’s list. The stunningly gorgeous, 60+ year old, superheroes were bringing back strange dreams and unknown sensations every teenage boy had while watching the two on the television. Too bad Wonder Woman didn’t have the lasso of truth. She could do wonders for the public by starting with every politician in Washington.

Wonder Woman and her hypnotizing assets- the lasso of truth.

And speaking of Washington and superheroes, more information has come to light about the night Obama got Bin Laden.  Not only did Seal Team 6 cut short Bin Laden viewing pleasure of watching an adult film, he was unable to celebrate his next birthday or buy one of his 4-600 wives anything for Hanukkah every again. Since we are in a fierce political season, and the nation’s highest office at stake, the Obama camp has been leaking additional details to impress the public about Obama’s take charge attitude. See below the picture taken from the war room beneath the White House.

The real reason Obama plays so much golf...to save America

According to recent speeches made by Obama, all of these people cut their golf game short to make the decision to go in and capture/kill Bin Laden.

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