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By - July 17, 2012

Obama: Your Nothing Without The Government

Obama is currently racing across the country trying to convince all the drones that successful people didn’t become successful without the government.

This narrative has been so successful, Obama is expanding on it and we here at Red State Report have obtained an advance copy of Obama’s upcoming speeches.

Obama’s speech to grade school children:

“Remember children, if you have succeeded in sports, be it soccer, basketball or football you didn’t do that without help from the government.  Your parents couldn’t have gotten you to the fields or court without the roads the government built for you.  I know some of you may walk to your sporting events, but stop thinking so much and just learn from me.  Your comfortable uniforms were made under the watchful eye of many government regulations, that forced all domestic manufactures out of business.  So now, the uniforms are made in Chinese sweat shops, by children just your age.”  We will take ours lead-free please.

“To all of those who have succeeded in sports, also remember you succeeded because another student failed so in the future those students who play well will have to sit out the game to equalize the game.  It’s just not fair that some children succeed more than others just because they work harder than other students.”  This is the geek equalization law- and Obama will get his revenge on all geeks as they produce powerful web tools and taxes them to death.

“Your parents got married because the government allows churches to exist under the First Amendment.  Your birthday exists because of the good graces of the government.  Since you owe your birthday to the government, don’t forget to forgo any birthday gifts and donate to my campaign instead.”  It is sad the last sentence was actually used a week ago by Obama.

Biden and Obama welcoming guests to "what would be without your government"

So in the end the government has provided everything that has humanly been produced in this world all without the help of private enterpeurers who get in the way of our federal government.  I always thought Tang was developed by the government to feed the astronauts. If it wasn’t for the government inventing the wheel, fire and everything since, there is no telling how different our world would look today.  We could travel to some of the middle east countries and get a pretty good idea.  The extreme Islamists are trying to turn everything into Bedrock, and the Flintstones are now the rulers of the region.  Should we thank the government for that one too?

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