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By - August 21, 2012

Matty’s Corraled Thoughts

For those youngsters out there still thinking of getting that tattoo, Russia has revealed the tattooed decorated body

Clinton dating material

of a 25 year old Ukok princess.  She is thought to have died and been preserved for over 2,500 years. For the past 19 years the mummy has been kept mainly at a Russian scientific institute and in one of Jesse James’ garages.  Her body was preserved by the permafrost and thus made her tattoos more visible for study and observation.  I can almost make out a barbed wire pattern.  Can one still argue that tattoos are just a trend?  No word from Bill Clinton on the latest mummy find. “You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That’s a good-looking mummy” —Bill Clinton, looking at “Juanita,” a newly discovered Incan mummy on display at the National Geographic museum 1999.

Roger Clemens announced today that he was returning to baseball. The 50 year old right-hander is joining the independent Atlantic League- Sugar Land Skeeters, in his hometown of Bridgeport, Texas. He is not committing to playing more than one game, saying he wants to see how it goes on Saturday first. Clemens, was acquitted in June of charges that he lied to Congress over the performance-enhancing drug charges he faced stemming from 2007. If there was a drug that made you a better liar, Roger would be a better liar. At his age, he better watch out for the 7th inning stretch, he could pull a muscle and be out for the rest of the season.

Do not confuse me with Elton John

Speaking of old people. The world lost an older comedian this week. Phyllis Diller died suddenly at the age of 95. Ms. Diller is best known for face lifts, wild wardrobes and laying the ground work for funny females working in showbiz. She was far from the first, but she was one of the most influential. She was queen of he one liners, such as; “I never made it into ‘Who’s Who’ but I did make it into ‘What’s That?'”. I best remember her for her appearances on Password and Hollywood Squares. She was also the voice of Peter’s mom on ‘Family Guy’ . Phyllis Diller even posed for Playboy- I think with the photo additions of Betty White and Helen Thomas, Hef may be making an end-of-the-world edition. She kept us in laughter and her doctors kept her in stitches.

Speaking of funny looking ladies, Rosie O’Donnell, after wishing anyone who is eating Chic-fil-A would die a

Rosie coming in to feed

horrible death, suffered a heart attack over the weekend. The Doctors. from the San Diego Zoo, commented the last time they saw blockage like hers, it was rush hour in downtown Chicago, during a St. Patty’s Day parade. Fortunately, Rosie survived it all due to her quick thinking of taking a Bayer aspirin as she was experiencing chest pain. Good she could tell heartburn from heart-attack. Karma can be a real bear or in this case a whale.

$1,200 a plate fish-n-chips

Writing about whales: the world’s most expensive fish was caught of the coast of China on Sunday. The 176 lb. Chinese Bahaba, or Giant yellow Croaker, fetched around $374,000, was caught floating on the surface and picked up by the hand of a local fisherman. The fish is prized for its meat and its swim bladder which is used in traditional Chinese medicine to cure heart and lung ailments. I have to believe if the fish was just floating on the surface, it was probably dying or it was tired from trying to keep up with 16 year old Ye Shiwen, the gold medalist swimmer, from this summer’s Olympics. Ye Shiwen managed to swim the final 50m length in the race in a time of 28.93, a time that was quicker than the men’s champion Ryan Lochte. For those of you with a taste for fish, a typical basket of fish and fries would sell for $1,200. I do not know if that includes a drink.

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