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By - September 18, 2012

Unconfirmed Breaking News/Sept 18th

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

BREAKING NEWS – Triploi, Libya – Angry protesters vandalize and destroy a KFC and Hardee’s. They were outraged at both fast food restaurants new, “no shoes, no shirt, no jackets filled with high explosives, no service policy”. They said it is an insensitive and arrogant attempt by Americans to deny them a well balanced meal, before they blow themselves up, along with innocent victims. They we equally outraged at both restaurants starting to strictly enforce their “no refill” policy too.

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – President Obama is now being accused of manipulating numbers regarding unemployment. Several prominent republicans are stating that the President is including pregnant women that go into “labor”, as part of the work force.

BREAKING NEWS – Eau Claire, Wisconsin – While on the campaign trail at the University of Wisconsin, Vice President Joe Biden is seen visibly surprised. He was the inspiration of a four month old baby speaking for the first time, when the young child said, “You’re an idiot!!!”

BREAKING NEWS – Sacramento, California – Due to three cities in California filing for bankruptcy, Governor Jerry Brown is selling San Francisco to the highest bidder in an attempt raise some badly needed revenue. So far according to court records, Satan is the highest bidder. Satan stated in his proposal that he loves the weather, the spectacular views, and the dedication of 90% of the residents in San Francisco that devoutly supports his causes.

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Liberal Muslims are now debating if Sandra Fluke has a legitimate point regarding contraceptives. Fluke states that free birth control should be supplied to all 72 virgins of Muslim that are killed in a jihad.

BREAKING NEWS – New York City. New York – NBC states that it did the right thing by not honoring the moment of silence for 911 victims as the other networks did. They added that they will never honor it, until former President Bush admits that he ordered the planes to be flown into the Twin Towers, and then had the buildings destroyed with explosives. NBC also wants Bush to give a verifiable alibi on where he was when JFK and Malcolm X was assassinated.

 

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