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By - November 16, 2012

Matty’s Corralled Thought- Death of the Twinkie

Video killed the radio star and the union added snack cakes to its (job) death toll today.  It was announced today that Hostess will be going out of business (liquidating sugary liquids) and taking with them the beloved Twinkie, Ding Dong and Ho Ho. Normally this column is titled Matty’s Corralled Thoughts, but today I only have one thought… and it consists of those yellow submarines my mom used to store in the freezer, for all of us kids to enjoy on summer days. I will admit I have not kept up with my mother’s penchant for purchasing those yellow cakes of goodness, but I did buy a box this past summer for my children to enjoy. I was doing my part, so why did this happen?

Increased competition and America’s initiatives, directed by Michelle Obama, have called for eating healthier. Hostess was losing profits and had suggested survival methods to the union, in order to compete in the market. The Baker’s Union did not like the proposed 2% drop in their pensions, and the fact they would have to start paying a little more for their health benefits, so they called a strike. While the bakers were out holding recipe card signs with spatula handles, walking in a large oval and shouting rhythmic sayings like “inky binky we make no more Twinkie” and “yo yo no more Ho Ho”, the doors were locked permanently behind them and the handles smeared with butter so they can not turn the knobs.

So another 15,000+ people with be joining the unemployment line next week, and the rest of us will be deprived of the sugary goodies put out by Hostess Brands. Actually the silver lining is this: all the jobs are not gone. Most jobs will just go to another company somewhere else in the country, in a right-to-work state. THEIR jobs are gone, but the jobs themselves will not be and hopefully soon, the Twinkie will rise again from the dead.

The world maybe be without Twinkies for the foreseeable future. I would hate to guess the E-bay price of them by January.  The running joke as a kid was the

The eat by date said "forever"

shelf life of a Twinkie was forever.  I will not live that long to see if that was true or not.  Just like you may try to put your tongue on an ice cold flag pole, once,  I do not recall where Troy Tworek and I buried our experimental Twinkie in 1983.  Perhaps an archeologist in a 1000 years will dig it up and enjoy the omega Twinkie.

This was all foretold in the movie “Zombieland“, where Woody Harrelson’s character searched the US for a Twinkie while killing zombies.  Maybe it is time to start prepping for the zombie apocalypse and stock up on Twinkies.

Yes, the Twinkie has been killed, but the Post Office ($17 billion dollar loss), GM ($50+ billion loss), plus one percenter Big Bird and free birth control live on. Sometimes life is not fair.  Us pre-diabetics need to unite.

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