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By - November 15, 2012

Unconfirmed Breaking News/Nov. 15

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – MSNBC’s Chris Matthews is again defending his statement that he was thankful for Hurricane Sandy, because it helped get President Obama reelected. He also said, that if it’ll help the democratic candidate get elected, in 2016 he wouldn’t mind seeing a devastating earthquake in California, or a series of killer Tsunamis off the coast of Florida.

BREAKING NEWS – St. Paul, Minnesota – Charles Schulz’ family files a law suits against Snoop Dogg, alleging that he is infringing on the copyrighted character Snoopy, created by the famous cartoonist. They also alleged other similarities, including that Snoop Dogg’s brain is about the size of “Peanuts”.

BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr., is currently trying to work out a plea deal with the U.S. Justice Department to avoid prison time. So far, he has agreed to resign as congressman and turn over a list of all the large companies that Jesse Jackson, Sr. plans on extorting donations from after making bogus claims of racism. He is also considering giving the Justice Department the names and addresses of all of his father’s illegitimate children that are scattered throughout the United States.

BREAKING NEWS – Copenhagen, Denmark – The Danish government kicks Lindsay Lohan out of their country, after she hit one of their landmark buildings while driving under the influence. The U.S. Ambassador to Denmark was outraged, and reminded them that the United States doesn’t want her either.

BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – Several of Louis Farrakhan’s former classmates from his teenage years, have come forward explaining why the outspoken Muslim leader is so intensely anti-Semitic. They state that it all began, shortly after he was stood-up on a date by a Jewish girl at his high school prom.

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – President Obama announces that he soon plans on eliminating the high cost of printing cards for food stamps. He explained that sometime in 2015, all people who are on government assistance will have get a small mark placed on their right hand or forehead, that will be their personal code. Obama then added that his “revelation”, is because he feels he is superior to every president in the past, thus the people should have placed on them, the “mark of the best”.

 

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