By - December 7, 2012

Time To Get Along?

The fiscal cliff looms and the republican party is still licking it’s wounds from the Election results of November.  Some pundits and establishment republicans are suggesting the party must moderate to increase the chances for more votes and election wins.

OK, I give, lets moderate.

I now believe the republican party should as S.E. Cupp has suggested, get behind gay marriage (not sure I would do that, no pun intended).  This will certainly get the LGBT vote out there for the republican party.  Those darned right wing Christians are so determined to stick to their morals.

The republicans should try to get the single women vote, by finding an even better way to require all insurances and employers give their employees free contraceptives.  I know the Catholic institutions would be hurt, but over 50% of Catholics voted for Obama, so it won’t hurt to grab that constituent.  While we are on this, let’s just go all out and make abortions free to all single women as well, no matter who they work for.  That is what drove the single women vote for Obama, so we should listen to their voices.

Now the fiscal cliff.  The problem is obviously all these rich people out there.  They are making too much money and that is causing the problem.  We must tax them more, then our deficit problem will balance itself out.  The government needs revenue to spend on worthy causes such as research into “Did Jesus Die For Klingons?”  I know some people will ask what a Klingon is.  A Klingon is a fictional race of people from a planet encountered in the Star Trek series.  The DOD needs $100,000 to study such worthy questions.  I know as I go to church, never is it mentioned that Jesus died for anybody other than the humans on earth.  What of the other planets that may or may not have intelligent life on them?  Doesn’t that question engulf your mind during Sunday services?  I could go into other worthy causes such as studying cow flatulence, but we know how many stories this could lead into.  The point is, Obama spending $6 trillion in 4 years is not out of control, rich people are!  We need tax hikes, not spending cuts it only makes sense and I believe John Boehner will see it that way (I truly believe Boehner will see it that way, he has no testicles).  Really the fiscal cliff is an exercise in futility.  “Spending cuts” will be weighed over a ten year period, while tax increases will be immediate, which is to say there will be NO spending cuts at all, just tax hikes so we might as well get on board. 

Republicans are insisting we deal with the growing entitlement programs.  Don’t they know, the only problem is we have rich people in this country.  We need to tax them more so we can continue to funnel money into the welfare system that allows able-bodied people to stay at home on their couch (paid for by a government stipend for furniture) while watching their 50 inch flat screen LCD TV, again with money from the government (i.e. you and me) eating their potato chips, drinking their sodas paid for with the ever increasing food stamp program.  This is the constituent we need to be chasing.  They got Obama re-elected, so we must peel off some of these people.

I know, you may ask: If we do all this, what differentiates the republicans from the democrats with this plan of attack?  It’s obvious…The Letterhead and Mascots!  Although I’m sure we can get the same mascot for Boehner and the liberal republicans as the democrats…the Jackass.

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