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By - December 21, 2012

Unconfirmed Breaking News/Dec 21st

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Time Magazine announces that President Obama will be their choice for Man of the Year for 2012. They say that he was given the title because of how hard and tirelessly he worked, doing everything he could to get reelected. The two other top vote getters, were the editor of the New York Times and the president of MSNBC. Time Magazine stated that both of them were nominated because of how hard and tirelessly they worked, doing everything they could to get President Obama reelected.

BREAKING NEWS – Miami, Florida – State police and the Department of Fish and Wildlife, have now confirmed reports that several large alligators have been seen in the everglades, wearing shoes made out of human skin. The joint investigation showed that the alligators were initially reluctant to do something this vengeful, but they finally yielded to the constant pressure put on them by PETA.

BREAKING NEWS – Carson City, Nevada – More questions are now being asked about the real age of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. The controversy stems from the recent discovery of some very old transcripts of him giving a speech on the senate floor, explaining why the government should deny the funding request by the Wright Brothers. In a fiery tone, Reid stated that their new idiotic concept not only contradicted all known scientific laws, but the ridiculous idea was laughable, insulted his intelligence, and had no obvious practical applications.

BREAKING NEWS – Phoenix, Arizona – Chinese Actor Jackie Chan states while being interviewed on tv station in Phoenix, that America is the most corrupt country on earth. He also said that even though he hasn’t found a direct link, he also strongly believes that the U.S. government is somehow responsible for his current string of low budget box office bombs.

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Santa Claus is seen going through security on Capitol Hill after being summoned to testify by democrats. After checking his list twice, and determined that some children were getting more expensive gifts than others, democrats demanded that Santa give everyone the exact same thing whether they were naughty or nice, as part of the new “Holiday Season Redistribution Program”.

BREAKING NEWS – Gaza City, Palestine – A young boy is seen shaking hands with exiled Hamas chief Khaled Meshaal. He told the Palestinian leader that he planned on always getting good grades in school, going to college, and then spend the rest of his life indiscriminately lobbing rockets on innocent unsuspecting Israelis.

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – President Obama announces that NASA will soon be constructing a powerful military weapon in space, that should be completed by 2016. He explained that it will be used exclusively to attack and destroy any country that the United States owes money to, and it will be called a “Debt Star”.

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