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By - December 19, 2012

What Comes After 2012?

Dear Matty,

My friends and I just got done watching the movie 2012. According to the Mayans, and Nostradamus, the world is coming to an end in 12/21/2012. Now we have earthquakes in Haiti, snow on the ground in 49 states, cats and dogs living together. Tell me Matty, is the world coming to an end? I’m freaking out man.

P.S. If the world is really coming to an end then I can max out all my credit cards and not have to pay them off, right?

Nick in Norfolk

Dear Nick,
You need to limit your visits to the local apothecary. If you max out your credit cards, how are you going to pay for that mixture of dried flowering leaves to treat your glaucoma?

Matty is not here to judge, just set the record straight. The Mayans’ calendar is just an older version of your wall calendar. When you come to December, what do you do? You start over with a new calendar. The Mayans didn’t have paper, they had rocks. Paper covers rocks, but dynamite beats everything. The movie¬†2012 had a lot of dynamite!

I can’t blame you for having your doubts. After all, the movie 2012 taught us a few things:

  1. John Cusack can survive anything including Con Air and Pushing Tin and blogging for the Huffington Post.
  2. If your next vehicle choice may determine whether or not you’re able to save yourself and your family from the total collapse of the world–choose a limo.
  3. If you want anything done right, at a low cost, and in total secrecy- hire it out to the Chinese.
  4. Crashing on the side of Mount Everest is a big boat isn’t as damaging as one would think.

In 1954 the smartest scientists in America set up the Doomsday Clock. The closer the clock is to midnight, the closer the world is estimated to be to global disaster. This clock is really unique, as it runs solely on sunshine and lollipops. When Matty was just a tadpole, the Doomsday clock was 7 minutes away from midnight. Because President Reagan liked to take candy out of kids’ mouths and replace it with USDA ketchup, and he brought us to within 2 minutes of midnight.

Now, as of January 2010, it sits only six minutes away from a total global disaster. The election of Hope and Change gave the world an extra 2 minutes on that clock. That alone is worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize. If the Candy Man can bring an extra 2 minutes, I honestly believe there is nothing he can’t do. Truth is, the end of he world has been predicted many times throughout my short span on earth. Save and spend wisely and payback any debt owed to a mafia loanshark.

Now it is Matty’s turn at being a seer into the future. The only thing that will end in 2012 is the Democrats control of the senate. You will most likely see another 4 years of an Obama administration. ¬†Please check back with us at Red State Report before January 1st, 2013.

Have A 2012!

Most sincerely,
Matty

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Comments (2)

 

  1. John says:

    I believe that we will be enjoying a 2nd term of Congress with the Dems out of power, but thanks for the advice on not spending into oblivion before the world ends!

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