By - January 17, 2013

My New York State of Mind

My brother has the Chicago way, I have the Idi Aman way.

President Obama’s half-brother is running for Governor in Kenya. A confused Donald Trump immediately accused him of being born in Hawaii.

The results of President Obama’s periodic medical exam will be released before the end of this month. If they check his social security card, they may find he has been dead for years.

Way to go, Lance, with your Oprah interview. It takes a lot of ball to admit your mistakes. Too soon? Liestrong Lance.

I have finally achieved my lifetime goal of achieving as many Tour de France titles as Lance Armstrong.

Reporters says Lindsay Lohan was a drunk, crying mess while filming the Canyons…And while driving… And while partying… And while living…

Starbucks is opening its first Vietnam location. Patrons will plan on going in for a few minutes, but will end up stuck there for ten years.

Honey Boo Boo can’t touch any of her TV money until she turns 21. Or, in redneck terms, until her first baby turns seven and quits smoking at the table.

Miley Cyrus rescued a dog. The dog is completely dependent on her to survive, she named it “Billy Ray.”

We have GPS’s that can navigate you across the country, so why can’t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?

I did not have relations with the needle.

I did not experience any brush with greatness on Twitter this week. So I will leave you with “Crap I stole from the internet”- what does a Packers fans do after they win the Super Bowl?  He shuts off his X-Box and goes to bed.

Speaking of football, just think if Notre Dame’s Manti had a baby with his cyber girlfriend…it would be the E-mmaculate Conception.

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