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By - January 14, 2013

Unconfirmed Breaking News/Jan 14th

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

10 predictions from some well known psychics for 2013:

1. Rosie O’Donnell is hospitalized when she has an allergic reaction to wearing lipstick for the first time.

2. Through Ancestry.com, Tom Cruise will discovery that he is a direct descendant of munchkins.

3. Senator Nancy Pelosi will get nearly shot down by the Air Force, after she flies into restricted air space on her broom.

4. Elvis Presley will be found alive living in some inner city projects in Memphis, Tennessee. His first words at his first tv interview will be, “Rap music sucks!”

5. Vice President Joe Biden, will openly admit that he spends more time in mental health facilities, than he does at the White House.

6. Upon hearing that Lindsay Lohan quits drinking and partying and applies to become a nun, the Pope dies of a heart attack.

7. Hugh Hefner’s new wife gets arrested and charged with conspiracy to commit murder, after she pays a radical Muslim to rig his walker with explosives.

8. Spike Lee finally makes a movie that people want to see.

9. Bill Clinton divorces Hillary, and marries the younger sister of his son-in-law.

10. Al Gore renounces his U.S. citizenship and moves to Pakistan, after buying and remodeling Osama bin Laden’s former compound.

BREAKING NEWS – Los Angeles, California – Comedian Bill Maher now realizes that he will probably get sued by Donald Trump if he doesn’t make good on a promise he made on the Tonight Show. Maher stated that he would pay Trump $5 million dollars if he produced his birth certificate to prove that he was not the son of an orangutan. Jay Leno stated that he also plans to sue Maher if he doesn’t replace the couch he was sitting on when he lost control of his bladder during a commercial, after being informed that Trump produced his birth certificate, and is now demanding the money.

BREAKING NEWS – San Francisco, California – Al Gore responds to his staff, after they accuse him of having “no credibility”, for selling Current TV to the controversial Arab news channel Aljazeera. According to an unnamed source, in a closed meeting his former employees got even angrier when Gore told them that should not be jealous of his successes, and should take the time to praise Allah for the blessings in their own lives.

 

BREAKING NEWS –Dallas, Texas – The ACLU is no longer suing the famous Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders for not allowing gay men to try out for their team. An out-of-court settlement has been reached which allows gay men that make the team to perform, but only when the Cowboys play the San Francisco 49ers.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Los Angeles, California – In a desperate attempt to make the playoffs, the struggling L.A. Lakers make an unprecedented move. They are currently negotiating with the NBA, to allow them to play exclusively the Washington Generals the rest of the season. The Harlem Globetrotters have stated if approved, they’ll sue.

 

 

 

 

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