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By - March 19, 2013

Unconfirmed Breaking News/Mar 19th

AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM

BREAKING NEWS – Hollywood, California – After conducting an investigation which included video surveillance, a private detective states that he has proof that “American Idol” judge Nicki Minaj and Mrs. Potato Head, are the exact same person. The unnamed detective said he has hundreds of photos that verify his allegation, plus footage of Nicki standing in front of a McDonald’s yelling at people that were eating French fries, calling them “insensitive cannibals”.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Beijing, China – In Tiananmen Square at the Great Hall of the People, a dozen women of the fiscally conservative party, protest against China lending money to countries that appear to have no intention of ever paying it back. In this particular incident, they were sarcastically waving goodbye to the trillions of dollars that was unfortunately loaned to the United States.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Vatican City, Italy – The new Pope Francis I has already introduced a controversial decision for the financially struggling Catholic Church. He has advised their legal counsel to sue all of the college football teams in the United States and the NFL, demanding that they pay the Vatican a pre-negotiated fee every time a quarterback throws a “Hail Mary”.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS – Long Island, New York – Theresa Caputo, better known as the “Long Island Medium” on TLC, revises her recent controversial emphatic prediction, that everyone that lives in New York City is going to hell. After receiving hate mail from thousands of Big Apple’s residents, Caputo is now saying that she was only referring NYC residents that are also Boston Red Sox fans.

 

 

 

BREAKING NEWS –New York City, New York – Barbara Walters announces that Elisabeth Hasselbeck is not leaving “The View”. The producers were considering giver her the boot because she regularly offends the fans of the show, by constantly pointing out what is right or wrong based on the bible.  ABC also reluctantly admitted that Hasselbeck still refuses to honor their ongoing request for her to consistently take the same position on social issues as the other four hosts, never mention Jesus or God, and to always bash conservatives and republicans regardless of the overwhelming opposing facts.

 

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