By - March 6, 2013

Unconfirmed Breaking News/Mar 6th



BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – After years of speculation, the Democratic National Committee finally produces compelling evidence of their most loyal and dependable voters on any given election day.





BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Former Indiana coach Bobby Knight finally goes into details about his legendary fiery temper in his new autobiographical book. He produced medical reports from an ultrasound, that showed two months before he was born, he was so angry with the living conditions, that he actually began kicking and punching a hole in his mother’s womb. He was also extremely hostile to other newborns in the nursery after he was delivered, and even reduced doctors and their assistants to tears, criticizing them for their lack of teamwork.





BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Apparently the Girl Scouts have had a change of heart, and they no longer object to Honey Boo Boo encouraging her fans to buy some cookies from the famous organization. Anna Maria Chávez who is the Chief Executive Officer of the Girl Scouts, stated she is pleased to announce, that since Honey Boo Boo’s endorsement, the sale of the cookies have increased by 80% to people that live in trailers.




BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The Department of Homeland Security has started releasing hundreds of illegal immigrants held in local jails in anticipation of automatic budget cuts. The Secretary of the DHS Janet Napolitano, states that the public safety will not be in jeopardy. She said she took the precaution of having all of the drug dealers and murderers sign an agreement in English and Spanish prior to their release, promising that they will not commit any more crimes and they’ll respect and honor all state and federal laws. Napolitano also said she had the documents notarized to ensure that they were binding contracts.

BREAKING NEWS – Parris, South Carolina – Female Marine recruits prepare to fire on the rifle range during boot camp at a Marine Corps Recruit Depot. Their instructors later stated that the women were deadly accurate because of how they were mentally conditioned. Each of them were told to assume that the target they were shooting at was a man that they had a brief fling with, and then he stopped returning their calls.

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