By - April 11, 2013

Medical Appointments And Gun Control

Obamacare has put many new rules on the healthcare professionals.  It is suggested that one of the rules now in force is the need to ask each patient about any potential guns the patient owns.  Of course this question would be out of bounds and hard to believe, but then we find out about a man in New York who lost his guns and permits, from a medical report (it turned out the medical report was for a different person).

Is this coming to a medical facility near you?  If so, how should you handle these questions?  I have posted below, a good rebuttal to any questions regarding you and your guns while at your doctors office:


My Medical Appointment
I visited a physician last week. It was a “new” doctor in the practice–a young lady (at MY age, EVERYBODY is “young”–when I was born, the Dead Sea wasn‘t even sick) who was quite enthusiastic. She was obviously a liberal by her dress and manner. I was thinking of hitting on her, but I don’t like the phrase, “You remind me of my grandfather.”
She asked me what was wrong, and I replied, “I have a cut on my leg; and I think it may be getting infected.”
She said, “Before we start, I have to ask you a few questions. Are you allergic to any medications?”
I replied, “No.”
She said, “Do you have any guns in the house?”
I said, “HUH??”
She replied, “Guns. Do you have any guns in the house?”
I asked, “Why?”
She said, “I’ve got to ask this question. It is required under the Affordable Care Act.”
I asked, “What are you going to do with the data?”
She said, “We compile it, amalgamate it, and submit it to the government.”
I said, “Well, I have a Tommy Gun. I let my kid Tommy play with it.”
She said, “What’s a Tommy Gun? I don‘t think that is the kind of gun they are concerned with.”
With THAT, I knew I had a live one. I said, “It’s similar to a B.A.R., but a little heavier and shorter. I have a B.A.R. also.”
She said, “A B.A.R.?”
I said, “Yes.”
She looked puzzled. Then she brightened up and asked, “Do you have any assault rifles?”
I attempted to look puzzled, and said, “I don’t know. What is an assault rifle?”
She said, “That’s a gun that is used in wars.”
I said, “As a matter of fact, I do. I have a replica of a Revolutionary War musket.”
She began to look a bit exasperated. I pretended not to notice and kept up the appearance of trying to be helpful.
She said, “Do you have anything more modern than that?”
I replied, “Well, yes I do. I have a replica muzzle loader from the Civil War. Do you know the difference between a musket and a muzzle loader?”
She rather peevishly said, “No, I don’t; and I don’t want to. What else do you have?”
I said, “I have an M-1.”
She asked, “What’s that?”
I said, “A rifle.”
She asked, “What kind?”
I replied, “It is called a Garand.”
She rather loudly said, “I don’t care if it is a grand rifle or not. Is it an assault rifle?”
To which I replied, “I don’t know. I don’t know what an assault rifle is. You say it’s a rifle used in war, yet you say that my musket and muzzle loader are not assault rifles.”
She calmed down (a bit) and asked, “Anything else?”
I said, “I have an MG-.30, and an MG-.50. I‘m also part owner of an Apache. But they are not rifles.”
She stated, “Well, then, I’m not interested in them. Anything else.”
I replied, “Well, yes. I also have a 12-gauge and a 20-gauge pump. They are not rifled though.”
She said, “I’m not interested in pumps; I’m interested in guns.”
I replied, “Well, then, I have a Colt, a Luger, a Glock, a bazooka, a Parabellum, a Kalishnikov, a Henry, a Uzi, a Llama, and a Beretta–but they are not rifles.”
She then said, “I’ve had enough of this. I think you’re toying with me. Let me see your leg.”
I then said, “Excuse me, but before you look at my leg, I have a few questions to ask of you.”
She replied, “Of course. What are they?”
I said, “I have given you a lot of information about my guns. I am somewhat concerned about your knowledge and ability to assimilate, make coherent sense of that information, and report it correctly. Do you know the difference between a .22 caliber and a .223 caliber? It’s a rather fundamental difference.”
She replied, “Actually, I don’t.”
I said, “I see. Let me ask some more relevant questions. “How much money do you make?”
She said, “That’s personal, why do you ask?”
I said, “Well, in pushing the Health Care Act, my president cautioned the population about doctors that would amputate a leg rather than treat a cut because they make more money that way. Consequently, I wish to know if you are financially troubled. What kind of car do you drive? What are your house payments? How much is your mortgage? How much credit card debt do you have? Do you have a student loan; if so, how much?”
She said, “I’m not going to answer those questions. You have no right to ask them.”
I then asked, “Do you have training and education in homeopathic techniques? Do you know the benefits/effects of CoQ10, ginseng, fish oil, Creatine, BCAA, and other such herbal treatments?” Do you know the difference between Panax ginseng, American ginseng, and Siberian ginseng?”
She replied, “Well, no.”
I then asked, ”Well, have you studied it at all?”
She replied rather defensively, “NO; it’s all a bunch of hogwash anyway.”
I said, “Oh, then you have read the research on it. What have you read?”
She then said, “I don’t waste my time reading such things. Why are you asking me these questions?”
I said, “Well, if I’m going to turn my body over to you for treatment, I believe it is reasonable for me to know something about your motivation, training, experience, and competence. Do you know anything about the practice of holistic medicine?”
She said, rather angrily “No, I don’t.”
I said, “Oh. O.K. How much experience do you have in practicing medicine?”
She replied, “Well, not very much.”
To which I said, “Well, we all have to start somewhere. What medical school did you go to; what is its rank in terms of other medical schools; where did you intern; and where did you do your residency? What is the rank of the hospital where you did your internship and residency?”
She rather peevishly said, “All my credentials are posted in the waiting room.”
To which I said, “Really? The rank of your medical school is posted in the waiting room? Do you have any experience with leg injuries? If so, how much?”
I guess that was too much for her. She rather crossly said, “I think it would be best if you saw a different doctor.” and started to leave the room.
I said, “You know, doctor. You asked me irrelevant questions about my guns, and I answered them. Whether or not I own guns is really none of your business and has absolutely nothing to do with any treatment you might prescribe. On the other hand, I ask you questions quite relevant to my situation, and you refuse to answer them. Isn’t that somewhat backwards?”
She said, “But I HAVE to ask those questions. It’s the law.”
To which I replied, “Actually, it is NOT the law.”
Currently it is not law, federally, to ask these questions, but obviously some states are making it the law.  You still have your right to privacy, exercise it.
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