By - November 16, 2013

What If We Had An ObamaCar Program?

What if, instead of health care, Obama applied the same rules to cars?  It might look like this.

“Too many Americans are driving substandard cars,” said White House Spokesperson Jay Carney during today’s press briefing. “In fact, there are a lot of Americans who don’t even have cars. That is why the President, by executive order, has initiated the ObamaCar Program.”

The new program will see that all Americans, regardless of age, place of residence, or occupation will be required to purchase a vehicle suitable to meet the standards mandated by ObamaCar.

However, Carney was quick to point out that this did not mean that anyone would be forced to give up their favorite ride.

“If you like the car you are driving now, you can keep your car. Period.” Carney read from a prepared statement by President Obama. “Nobody is going to take it away from you. Period.”

Carney said this means that nobody will be required to purchase a vehicle they do not want or need. Ever. As long as your current vehicle meets ObamaCar standard features, you can drive it as long as you like. Unless the manufacturer decides to recall it because it doesn’t offer the specified standard features.

“But if that happens, don’t blame us,” Carney said. “That’s the free market at work, that’s capitalism, at least how we define capitalism, in action. We didn’t do that to you.”

He went on to state that all auto manufactures will be required to produce only ObamaCar-compliant vehicles.

The ObamaCar will come in two basic models, which will save everybody at least $2,500 on average:

The Sporty Runabout:


And the Luxurious Executive Sedan:

bloated car

Both models come equipped with the following standard features:

Driver’s Seat Child Restraints

On-Board EPA Supervisor’s console and seat

Left Wheel Drive

Seating for Eight

Air Conditioning (preset to government-mandated 87 degrees summer, 41 degrees winter)

Gold Plated Power Window controls (Windows do not roll down, as drive through food is bad for you)

AM/FM Stereo with permanently docked iPod preloaded with President Obama’s speeches

Cruz Control

“NSAvigator” GPS Location System

Solar-Powered Headlights

Powerful 0.5 Liter engine capable of accelerating from 0 to 40 in three minutes flat

Lean Forward Design

Four Full-Size Spare Tires

Eco-Friendly Burlap Seat Covers

Wilson Progressive 14-Point Passenger Restraint system

Handicap Access Doors and Chairlift

Fender-Mounted Teleprompters

Heads-Up Display Closed Captioning

11,000-Page Owners Manual

Log on and order yours today at CarCare.gov!

Sounds great, right?! These mandated automobiles only cost $8,000 more than the average car for each family that is required to purchase a new vehicle.

That’s exactly what Obama did to health care.


Share on Twitter Share on Facebook

Leave a Reply