By Skip Chatterson - December 19, 2013
AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM
BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – MSNBC host Melissa Harris-Perry draws fire with her latest commentary about the Affordable Care Act’s colloquial moniker: “Obamacare.” She explained that “The word was conceived of by a group of wealthy white men who needed a way to put themselves above and apart from a black man; to render him inferior and unequal and to diminish his accomplishments.” Perry went on to say, that “President Obama has never had anything to do with ObamaCare/Affordable Care Act or the disastrous roll out, and he should in no way shape or form be linked to it.” She concluded by saying that, “The over forty times he allegedly said to various audiences ‘If you like your plan, you can keep your plan’ was never said by the President, but by a lookalike that was jointly hired by republicans, conservatives and youtube.”
BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – An unidentified little boy dressed as an elf stole the show at the 32nd annual “Christmas in Washington” concert at the National Building Museum, while posing for a photo with the nation’s first family. Initially the Obamas thought it was cute, but they later stated they had no idea that the little boy needed braces, and he was angry because his parents told him earlier in the day that due to ObamaCare, his dental plan was cancelled.
BREAKING NEWS – Los Angeles, California – Two-time Oscar-winning actress, political activist and philanthropist Jane Fonda responds to criticism that her “Jane Fonda Foundation” hasn’t made a single charitable donation in the past five years, even though it’s worth almost $800,000. She said the allegation is not true, because she regularly donates money to the government of North Vietnam, with the lion’s share going toward their military.
BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Voters that live in the nation’s capital were outraged to learn that the local police spent over a million dollars to modify a vintage vehicle to be used exclusively on the occasions they have to arrest an elected official. Police Chief Cathy L. Lanier explained that it had to look flashy and gaudy, because considering congressmen and senator’s perception of their constituents, they should have no problem being treated like a pimp.
BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – First Lady Michelle Obama attempts to restrain Sunny, one of the presidential dogs after he attacked Ashtyn Gardner, 2, from Mobile, Alabama. Sunny, was personally trained by President Obama to viciously go after people under certain conditions. According to witnesses the attack was initiated after Ashtyn asked, “Why was my daddy’s medical insurance policy cancelled?”